I'm sorry

I should have told you how I felt. Not when I got angry or was throwing myself a pity party, but really told you how I felt so that we could talk about it. That's what we do. What I said to you was downright hurtful and uncalled for. They say people hurt us out of their own pain, and that's true in this case. I was hurt, and I wanted you to know it. I felt like you had chosen somebody else over me. Someone you felt like was worthy of your time and attention and I was just a filler. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that was how I felt until I typed that message out and sent it. Hindsight is 20/20 and my hindsight has never been so perfect. You asked me why I was upset, and I gave you the truth as I saw it. That was the truth, don't get me wrong, but I guess this was also the truth. Your friendship means more to me than any silly crush or argument. I told you I LOVE how we are and I meant it. I love you, and I hope you still love me too.

This Week

Well, I haven't been very good about posting what I am thankful for, so here goes. This week I am thankful for...

Honey for my toast- I have fallen in love with honey! And I like to eat it with butter and toast.
Being off from work 4 days in a row every week- need I say more?
Netflix- Oh how I adore my tv!
Pedicures- Because I love being pampered!
Hot showers- Not everyone has them

These are just a few....the ones I didn't post like I had planned. In my own defense, I really don't get on FB a lot.

Give Thanks Challenge

My Grandmother and I were talking today and she mentioned that the women in her women's group are going to start keeping a "Thankful" journal- a journal they can use to record the things they are thankful for. It's easy to sit around and think about all the things I don't have:

• a husband
• a "big girl" job
• total independence
• lots of money
• the ability to go to Europe in the near future
• college degree (almost!!)
• and the list goes on....

But when it comes time to give thanks for the things that I do have, I hear crickets. Here is a running total of all the things I have to be thankful for, no matter how big or small

• hot water for a shower
• honey for my toast
• free roof over my head
• family that loves me
• my job
• school
• my faith
• my independence- my car, money, ability to walk around on my own
• freedom to make my own decisions and choose my own beliefs
• pedicures

Here is my challenge for myself and for you. For the next 30 days, put one thing each day you are thankful for on your Facebook status, Twitter, Blog, etc. It can be anything from paying off your car that month or having enough milk for cereal for breakfast that day. We tend to take things like hot water and remote controls for granted, when the truth of the matter is that there are people who don't get to bathe everyday or who don't know when their next meal will be. I don't mean people in Third-World countries; I mean children in our schools, families in our churches, and our neighborhoods.

So Much So Much So Much

I have decided that I do not want to do what I have been going to school to do. There are several problems with this:

1. What a waste of time!
2. The degree I will be graduating with in no way prepares me for the degree I want to pursue.
3. By taking the classes that prepare me for this new degree, I will be in school for another year taking night classes while working in the field I do not want to be in.
4. I could potentially spend this year taking these necessary 8 classes and then still not get into a program meaning that....
5. No. 4 is another waste of my time!!!!

Why oh why couldn't I have figured this out so much sooner?!?!?! I am not yet ready to share what it is that I want to do, so please don't ask. And if you know, please don't tell. If I want you to know, I will volunteer this information. :) Anywho, so I am in a major "I don't know what to do!!!" life crisis right now.

Here is what I am worried about:

• My grades won't be good enough
• I will spend a year taking these classes and getting in the necessary volunteer time and won't get into the program and then I have to figure something else out.
• I will be broke as a joke in the meantime and during this program
• Assuming I get in, I will be 32 before I can actually begin my career. 32!!!!

A little about this and why it worries me:

• Only four programs in my area
• Each of those four programs only allows roughly 35 students in each year
• Very competitive program to get into
• 8 classes to get under my belt before I start the program
• More student loans!

Ugh! Please pray that God would lead me in the right direction and allow everything to fall into place and that I would have a peace about this if indeed I am supposed to pursue this.

Little this, little that

So on our way to Atlanta yesterday morning, my sister and I hit a very big tire from an 18-wheeler that ripped the grill off the front of her car and left a huge dent in the hood. Fabulous! Fortunately that was the only damage- no broken windshield or anything- and we made it back to Augusta safely yesterday afternoon.

Today we came to SC where I will be until Sunday evening. I actually got the whole weekend off without requesting it, so that was a nice surprise! Mom, Stevie, and I are working on craft projects we found on Pinterest. So far we have made the crayon canvas things, the platter stand thing made with plates and candlesticks, and are getting ready to put pictures on wood with modge podge. We are some seriously crafty ladies.

I have been taking a break from Facebook since my vacation. I didn't get on FB the entire time I was on vacation and I have not really been on there very much since I got back. I haven't posted a single status since before I left for Myrtle Beach, but I have posted a picture (of the tire damage) and my blog posts. After taking time off from FB, you realize how stupid it is to sit there for long periods of time and read every post. Don't get me wrong, I like knowing what's going on in the lives of my friends- the whole point is to keep up- but I do not care to spend hours at a time just staring at  FB. I even moved the app from the "home screen" on my phone to one of the other pages that I swipe to so as not to be tempted to get on there from sheer boredom.

I started this post for a reason- there was something awesome I was going to put here- but I don't remember what that was, so I am going to end this post and maybe it will come to me later. 

Adventures in Online Dating

Can they really be called adventures if one hasn't been on a date with any of the creeps yet?

OK, I joined Match.com a while ago and so far, not so good. I have been "winked" at by men older than my dad and I have gotten emails from "men" who still read comic books regularly.

One of those men, whose profile says he is 39 but his pictures say he has had nine too many 39th birthdays, emailed me and asked me to "hang out." Well, that night I had to work late, as in 1 am, so I emailed back without realizing he was a definite no and told him I was working overnight and so maybe another time. He emailed me again that same night and said

 "Call me as soon as you get home and I will come over and we can hang out and be night owls."and his phone number.

Needless to say, I never replied. A couple of weeks later, he sent me another email. This one said

"Can we talk? You seem cute and sweet and in need of a good guy. Call me..."and his phone number.

Seriously, dude? Yeah, then right after that his "caption" on his profile read: Love BIG bouncy hooters. Clearly I shouldn't have passed this one up.

Then I got winked at and emailed by an overgrown teenager who claims to be an adult. He still reads comic books regularly while he drinks his kool-aid. No joke.

Then I got IMed by a guy who only talks about the woes of his high school years. He is older than me so I am thinking it is DEFINITELY time for him to let it go.

Then today I got emailed by someone who has already called me "sexy lady" twice, told me he bets I am probably a good kisser and can't wait to find out, and wants me to come to his house (an hour and a half away) so he can make me dinner.

Are any of these people normal? Is that too much to ask?

Progress!

Yesterday I started cleaning my room and getting everything organized and CLEAN! I unpacked my weekender from when I went to see my family about 2-3 weeks ago, I washed and folded ALL of my laundry, and my floor can not only be seen, it actually has the opportunity to be vacuumed. That's been a while! I cleaned out the trunk of my car, cleaned off my dresser, reorganized my bookshelf, dusted EVERYTHING, and cleared out the corner of piled up junk that I had been neglecting because I didn't know what to do with all of it. Ahhh, I can actually relax in my bedroom now because there is not a possibility of being swallowed up or tripping all over all the crap that was everywhere. Truth is, I have way too much stuff. I am only one person and it should not be legal for one person to acquire so much stuff. I mean, I have stuff that I don't want to throw away but I have no idea what to do with it. A frisbee, for example. I don't want to throw it away because I might get the urge to play frisbee...with whom, I don't know, but I definitely need this frisbee. But in the meantime, what do I do with a frisbee??? My closet is full of books that need to be put in storage and clothes that I can't wear this season because I would die of a heat stroke if I did, so there is no room for a frisbee. Gah! Oh what a world! No, just my world that is full of straight up junk.

In other news, I think I am losing weight, but I am not entirely sure because I haven't weighed in a while. I have been eating less and working out and I think I am doing well because my clothes are starting to feel too big. Awesome news but still frustrating because I am in that stage where I need new clothes but don't want to buy any because I anticipate losing more weight. My plan is to hold off for the summer and buy some new "staples" for the start of school. Hopefully by then I will seriously need new jeans and I will buy a few new pairs! Any excuse to buy new clothes....

Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading about my boring life!

VACATION!!!

So, I didn't think I was going to get to take a vacation this year- I thought it was going to have to be more like a stay-cation. However, thanks to my awesome family, I get to go to Myrtle Beach for vacation! That's actually strange because I am really not a beach person. Quite the opposite in that I would almost rather be anywhere than the beach because I do not want to be eaten by a shark and I do not like having sand in places that do not see sunlight. Honesly, I don't really even remember the last time I went to the beach. I'm thinking it was 2007 when I went to Disney with my friend, Leslie. That being said, I suddenly had a REALLY STRONG urge to go to the beach and now I get to go!!! Ahhhh..... Those are my thoughts. I simply cannot wait to spend at least one day laying on the beach in my swimsuit soaking up some much-needed, get-me-out-of-this-severly-foul-mood sunshine. Seriously, this vacation is very much needed because I have not been anywhere since April last year and work is seriously stressing me out. I don't even want to go into details about the craziness that is my supposed-to-be non-stressful, yet somehow completely stressful job. UGH!! Anyways, I realize Myrtle Beach isn't the Cayman Islands or the Caribbean or anything, but it is not Augusta, it is far away from my nightmare workplace, and it is my much needed, didn't think it would happen vacation. Works. For. Me! So, in the spirit of getting away from it all, I will be deactivating my Facebook account for at least the week I am gone, if not a whole month, minus a day or so to upload pictures.

Fifty Shades

Christian Grey does not exist.

Sadly.

Or Fortunately.

I don't know which.

Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey, Darker, or Freed? Brace yourselves. It's a whirlwind. I had heard about the book, I don't even remember where now, and I knew the content was rather dirty, to put it mildly.

Here are my thoughts:

This book is very much so like Twilight in that

• We have this young, inexperienced female character who falls in love with the insanely gorgeous, insanely rich man who falls in love with her after battling demons of his own and discovering that he can't live without her, to the point where he gives up his dark, kinky ways (almost).
• This man is insanely protective of her to the point of extreme suffocation and overbearingness and she willingly allows him to be this way, considering herself in the wrong when she "disobeys" him
• He wants to share his wealth this her, and whisk her away to all these amazing places and adorn her with lavish gifts- cars, jewelry, clothes, houses, her own business, etc

This book has a great story, despite the Twilight-y feel, if you can get past the constant "love-making"

• It got to the point where I was skipping pages at a time because these scenes are sooo numerous

So, what it boils down to is, if you look past the Twilight-inspired characters and the ridiculous amounts of bedroom activity, the story that surrounds these two characters is really very good, and I do recommend this book to others. :)

Bucket List

I'm a list person. I make a list for EVERYTHING! Shopping, packing, needing, etc. Recently, I wrote down my bucket list. You know, things I want to do one day. This one is my activity bucket list. I want to go parasailing, swim with dolphins, ride in a hot air balloon, go zip-lining, hang gliding, kayaking, scuba diving, etc, and I am really eager to get started knocking these things off my list. But, I don't want to do them alone and for most of them, I don't live near any of them, like parasailing. So, I'm going to have to do some planning so that I can mark them off the list. I'm tired of being boring and not having these kinds of experiences under my belt.  Who wants to join me?

Related to this same topic, I have a places bucket list. I want to travel the world and see everything. I want to go to London and see where Anne Boleyn was imprisoned before her beheading, or castles in Ireland, or the Parthenon in Greece. I want to see historical places and be able to say "I've been there." Not just around the world, but in the continental US as well. I want to visit New York, cruise to Alaska, see the Grand Canyon. I want to see it all, and the idea that I would live my life and never accomplish this goal is devastating to me.

So, here is my plan. When I graduate, the idea is that I would find a good job, one that supports me and allows me to pay my bills, and I want to live frugally so that I can pay off my student loans in a timely manner. That way, I can continue to live frugally, but instead be able to devote my money to my travels and adventures. Of course, this is assuming that I am going to be single for that long. Probably.

Gah, this is so silly, but one of my biggest fears in life is that I won't be able to go and see and do everything I want to. I want to be adventurous and cultured and well-travelled. And I am determined to make that happen.

Everything Now and Everything Coming Up

I checked my grades today and I got a B in the Public Relations Theory class that I was only supposed to get a C in in order to pass the class. AND I GOT A B!!!!!! That was such a great moment when I checked my grades, which is something I never do, and I saw that B. Great Moment!

I worked at one of our ghetto stores today doing Accounting and made the store manager mad when I told her I was told I had the option to leave her store when I got done and go back to my store. She did not like hearing that and I ended up staying all day. That was fine, but tomorrow I was supposed to run my own store's bake sale, meaning I would have to leave this other store early. I told the manager and she made a phone call and our bake sale got canceled. Awesome, right? Especially since I baked four cakes already. Not a happy girl right now. I'll get over it; no choice.

Coming up, Mother's Day is in two days. My sister and I got my mom an awesome present, but I don't know if she's going to like it. According to my sister, mom has been wanting one so maybe we will hit a home run. Maybe. Anyways, I am working on Mother's Day but I am going to see my Madre on Tuesday and we are spending the week together. My dad will be out of town so this will be a mom-and-the-kids week. Good times!

Next on the list, my almost little brother is graduating next Saturday and I don't know what to get him for graduation. I thought I knew, but he has decided to postpone going to school and now I don't know what to get him. Boys are so hard to buy for! I was going for practical when he was planning to go away to school, but now I don't know. Although, now that he doesn't need practical things, I can get him something fun which he would appreciate more. Any ideas would be appreciated.

I have the summer off from school, but I REALLY wish I was taking classes this summer. I need them in order to graduate next spring, but it didn't work out. So very disappointing.

Trainer Sadness

My night just got ruined because my trainer just told me this will be the last month for him to train me. I need him! I don't push myself enough. Or at all. I don't have the self-motivation to do this for myself. I don't know what I am doing! I have no idea how to get myself into shape. He does! He has been a huge help and I really appreciate all his help. Idk. I guess I wouldn't feel so bad if he would give me a reason. If that reason has to do with me, I'm going to be devastated. Whereas, if it's because of some personal reason on his part, then I can understand that. I'm just devastated regardless. I really need his help and now I feel like I will NEVER get to where I want to be.

I also really liked working out with him. Don't misunderstand, I worked out with him because he could help me, but I also liked working out with HIM. We have just now gotten to where we can actually get along and I really enjoy our time working out together. Sigh. I'm just very upset.

I have bad luck. No shock there.

I have the worst luck with men. I have dated two this year, which is a lot for me, and my luck just doesn't seem to exist. I know it's not about luck. It's about finding the one God has for me. I am just tired of kissing frogs. I am tired of dating people who are not the one for me. I would rather not date at all! Ugh, it's so frustrating. It's all very simple to me. Either you like me or you don't. Either you want to be with me or you don't. It's. Very. Simple. If you don't like me and don't want to be with me, say so. That's simple too. I would rather you decide that you don't like me and want virtually nothing to do with me than be a coward and string me along because that's whats easier for you, when really, that's not easy for anybody. Be a big boy. Tell the truth. Tell me what's up. I am a big girl and I can take it. Don't make me feel like there is something wrong with me or I have done something wrong when neither of those is the case. Nobody has done anything wrong- we just aren't meant to be! Again, simple, simple, simple!

I Don't Understand Men

I think my title pretty much sums it all up.

In other news, I am catching up on my Army Wives seasons, I have recently gotten into The Client List, and my room desperately needs to be cleaned. You know, I really don't mind cleaning once I get started, but getting started is the hard part. There are so many things I would rather be doing- watching tv, staring at FB, listening to my iPod, reading a book. But you know what else? There has never been a better motivator for cleaning than having studying that needs to be done. When I have homework to do or a test to study for, I am suddenly in the mood for some serious cleaning. I mean, lift the furniture, clean out the gutters serious deep cleaning. I guess that's the only thing I hate worse than cleaning. I have never been a studious student. I don't know how to study and it shows. I get my work done and I get decent grades, but my grades aren't what they could be if I put forth more effort. I just don't want to. Anyways, the semester is almost over. My college days are almost over. My study days are almost over. This blog post is officially over.

School Sucks

Last week I had a major research/case study paper due. The class was Public Relations Theory and what we had to do was find a PR practitioner who could give us a PR problem he or she was having and we had to apply two of our theories to said problem to solve it. I chose my aunt who has a Masters in Communications and 10 years experience. She gave me the Nestle Nutrition Institute who provides feeding solutions to hospitals for a variety of patients. I won't go into the details of the problem because that's not what my post is about. Well, after I got my problem I went to my parent's house, two hours away, so that my mom could help me write my paper. I had never done a research paper and I needed help. I drove down after class last Tuesday, worked on the paper. I came home Wednesday morning so I could take a test in one of my classes, finished the test and went back to SC, worked on the paper that night. I came home early Thursday morning to attend class and turn my paper in that afternoon. I turned in the paper and breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

Fast forward to yesterday, Tuesday, morning. I checked my email and I had a message from my PR Theory professor. She told me she needed to see my about my paper as soon as possible. I went to her office and learned that part of my paper is considered plagiarized. The paper needed to have information  about the organization, Nestle. I found exactly what I wanted in my paper on the website and copied and pasted it into my document. Without thinking, I failed to cite the source. I wasn't trying to pass the information from the website off as my own work; I simply failed to cite my source. My professor understands that I didn't do this intentionally and she is not going to report me to the Dean. However, my paper fails which means that in order to pass this class, a class with only three grades, I need to make at least a 91 on the final exam.

Mostly, I'm just embarrassed that I made this mistake. I am better than this. I don't plagiarize- I do my own work! It's infuriating to think that a lack of two of these " can ruin my whole semester where this class is concerned. This means I might have to take this class again. That means I wasted this whole semester in this class and have nothing to show for it but plagiarized work. This means I probably won't graduate when planned. It's frustrating and embarrassing and infuriating.

I think I'm ok with it. My parents and my aunt were more up-in-arms about it than I was. I mean, I understand that I made a mistake and with every mistake there is a consequence. I don't even know that I disagree that the punishment fits the crime. Honestly, I think I just chock it up to "that's life." Life isn't fair. Sometimes, life flat-out sucks and this is one of those times. Now I have to suck it up and study my butt off to make an A on this test. I'm frustrated, but that's the choice I have. If I want to succeed, I know what I have to do.

Progress

I am wicked sore! I have been working out with a trainer for about a month now, and he kicks my butt regularly. I don't know what progress I have been making; I weighed about 2 weeks ago and we are going to weigh again next week. I never did do my measurements before we got started, so I won't ever know what progress I have made thus far, but I can know from this point on. I haven't noticed any major, noticeable differences, but I think (and hope) that I am starting to get smaller, more toned. It's going to take several months for any considerable improvement, but my trainer says he can get me there. I haven't been making it easy on him though because I pretty much fight him every step of the way. It's hard. It hurts. I'm sore. My muscles ache. But, I have to keep going. Pain is beauty. No pain no gain. All that jazz. Ok, I'll stop now. Anyways, it's going to take a lot of time and even more hard work, but I know that I will get there. I just have to be diligent!

Game Plan

I'm not going to say that I am unhappy with my size or curves, but I do see room for improvement. Like I already said, I have joined the gym and am going regularly, but I also have to watch what I eat. That is so hard! I ate Subway today and realized I couldn't get my usual steak and cheese sub, but I did find a healthy alternative that I actually liked. Basically, I just have to take it one bite at a time. Really, knowing that certain foods could undo the progress made in the gym, I don't want to eat them; they no longer appeal to me. Don't get me wrong, I am still craving Marcos pizza and some yummy Crazy Turks, but those have to be "treats." Something I can eat after I have made significant, noticeable difference. Seeing as how I am only just getting started, that's going to be a couple of months. :) But that's ok! I am going to look fabulous in no time, assuming I stick to the game plan!

I'm gonna look like Jessica Alba soon.....

Ok, probably not, but a girl can dream. Seriously, though, my BFF, Raychel, and I worked out today and plan to work out frequently until she moves to Texas in March. After that, I am going to have to hold myself accountable and take myself to the gym. Really, I don't expect that to be much of a problem. I enjoy working out, but it's taking that first step and joining/getting comfortable going to the gym that I have to overcome. Thankfully, I have my Raychel! Anyways, I have had harder workouts at school, but I am still definitely going to be sore tomorrow. Oddly, I'm excited about that. No pain, no gain!

Me

I am....

Loved. Fabulous. Descriptive. Educated. Adored. Intelligent. Faithful. Sincere. Loyal. Curious. Funny. Decisive. Short. Efficient. Kind. Productive. Considerate. Happy. Fearless. Important. Enthusiastic. Sophisticated. Talented. Difficult. Cherished. Mature. Guarded. Serious. Responsible. Old-fashioned. Helpful. Quick. Remarkable. Thoughtful. Coordinated. Diligent. Beautiful. Fierce. Simple. Courageous. Dynamic. Smart. Thankful. Aggressive. Shy. Curvy. Elegant. Obedient. Loud. Bossy. Rude. Sassy. Inquisitive. Forgetful. Dramatic. Protective. Selective. Sharp. Well read. Hilarious. Classy. Truthful. Sarcastic. Ruthless. Likeable. Entertaining. Fortunate. Naive. Puzzling. Trustworthy. Defiant. Sensitive. Friendly. Hospitable. Energetic. Capable. Paranoid. Clumsy. Dazzling. Organized. Interesting. Efficacious. Poised. Joyous. Knowledgeable. Kindhearted. Lackadaisical. Magnificent. Worthy. Precious.

Funky Monkey

I am in some kind of funk today. I even went so far as to ask my male best friend to agree to marry me just so I don't have to worry about dealing with douche bags anymore. He didn't go for that. I am just over the whole dating scenario. Men suck at life. I'm really only thinking about one person, and I am so confused about how that went soooo far sour, I don't even know what to think. I mean, we only dated for a month and you would think we had this big long "courtship" that ended because I left a dead cat on his pillow and slept with 10 of his closest friends. Get. Real. And now I have a hater club at work. How did this happen? Petty people, that's how. And stupid, but we won't get into that, lest I be accused of cyber-bullying. I just want to live in a cave and never have to deal with people outside my inner circle ever again. Sounds good to me. But no. Shea Anderson doesn't back down and she refuses to allow stupid, ignorant people to intimidate her. Shea Anderson is the bigger person (only figuratively speaking ;) )!!

Anyways, I need a pedicure...BAD! My feet are 10 different kinds of terrible and those poor Korean ladies, or wherever they are from, are going to be having some kind of fit in their native language. That'll be good. Nothing like being talked about in a foreign language. I think I prefer that though- ignorance is bliss!

Ugh, I need a vacation. Or maybe some kind of medication. Or maybe both. My siblings and I have briefly talked about going back to Universal this spring break but I don't know how that will work out. I would really like to though, or something. Must get out of town!

 I'm rambling but I'm ok with it.

 I recently upgraded my Nook to a Nook tablet and I am in love! It is just like the Nook Color but has a faster processor and it is just amazing. Like a computer on the go. You should invest.

I think that's all. For today. Probably for a while. Goodnight.