Dear Grandpa,

It's been 7 years. 7 years since I held your hand, or hugged you close, or heard you laugh, or had the privilege to talk to you. 7 years since I felt like everything in the world was ok. I remember the moment I realized everything wasn't ok. I called home to get the details for my flight that day. A deacon's wife answered the phone and then gave the phone to Dad, who never gave the phone to Mom. Nothing about that was normal. I spent the rest of that day in 3 different airports, 2 different airplanes, and a very long car ride home knowing that I would never have the chance to tell you goodbye. The whole way home from Florida I couldn't wait to get home and be with my family, but once we pulled into the driveway, I didn't want to go inside. You see, I had only found out the night before that you were even in the hospital. Mom wasn't planning on telling me, but at the last minute she did. I was told you were fine and would be home Monday. Saturday morning, you were home, but not here with us. For a long time I was angry at God. I just couldn't understand why He had to take you that day. He knew I was coming home and wanted to see you. He could have waited until I had the chance to see you and at least talk to you one last time before He took you from me. It took me a long time to accept what I had known all along: He was sparing me seeing you the way you were. Because of your surgery, and having been put to sleep, your Alzheimers had progressed rapidly, and you were no longer the man we all knew. God knew how hard it would have been for me to see you like that, and He knew you didn't want to live like that and would have never wanted me to see you like. Selfishly, stupidly, I didn't care. I wanted you here, with me. I didn't care that that disease had and would continue to destroy you. I didn't care what that kind of burden would have been on our family. But now I know that God knew best and He really did have mine and your best interest at heart. He spared all of us having to live with Alzheimers, and although I miss you and think of you everyday, I know it was all for the best.
I miss you, Grandpa. You were the most amazing person in my world. I'm sorry I never told you that. I wish you could still be here and could get to know Sam and Jack, and walk me down the aisle at my wedding, but I know that you wouldn't be the same if you were here and you wouldn't trade your Heavenly home for anything this world has to offer. I love you so much. Kiss Jesus for me.

Love,
Shea

In Memory of William B. Anderson
Died July 31, 2004

Christian Kane

I love love LOVE the show Leverage, which is about a bunch of thieves/ con artists who steal from the big bad guys to help out the helpless little guys. Modern day Robin Hood, if you will. GREAT SHOW. Anyways, starring in the show Leverage, among others, is total hottie Christian Kane. TASTY!! He plays Eliot Spencer, "retrieval specialist" and fighter. Sexy. Beast. However, in addition to making my heart stop every Sunday night at 9 pm ET, he is also a country music singer and a friggin' good one too. I just bought his whole album on iTunes, which is weird because A. I am NOT a country music fan by any stretch and B. I typically just buy one or two songs, but no, I bought the whole album because it's awesome and he has an amazing voice. Mr. Kane can sing and fight for me any day of the week. Check it out. His latest album is titled House Rules and the song with the like name is awesome. Sexy Beast with a sexy voice? Yes, please!

Make Believe This

I am ADDICTED to make believe. I love it. The idea that there is a castle somewhere hidden by magic where they teach you to wave a wand and make amazing things happen is the most thrilling concept I could ever imagine. Or how about a family of sparkly undead who are indestructible and overwhelmingly rich and can LIVE FOREVER? Tell me that's not cool! Recently I read a book about a pack of werewolves called The Mating. It. Was. Amazing. Not to mention slightly predictable. The book starts out about this girl who is the daughter of the Alpha of a pack of werewolves (not ones who change by moonlight, but rather at will), who is "mated" to be with the Alpha of a different pack of werewolves, against her will. Darn arranged marriages! Anyways, the story follows the werewolf couple and their mating habits, in addition to their love story and the scandal that almost ruins it all. I got so wrapped up in the intensity of their love that it kind of makes me sad that I don't have that for myself. I do that every time. I try not to read Twilight because it makes me depressed that my boyfriend isn't a vampire and my best friend a werewolf, and that I don't have the opportunity to live forever and therefore not feel as though I am wasting away what little bit of forever I do get to live. Did you follow that? I just love make believe- getting wrapped up in a fantasy world that isn't my own and the sheer magic of it all. I LOVE IT and I sincerely wish some of it were true.

Alone Again

My sister just rolled out of my driveway, and I'm a little sad. It always makes me sad when someone I don't get to see very often comes to see me and then leaves. Don't get me wrong; I'm VERY excited to have my own bed again, but still, she's my baby sister and it's sad to see her go. I've always been this way. I'm a very sentimental person and I always wait and watch them leave until I can't see them anymore. When I was little, it made me cry, but now, as a grown-up, I manage to hold it together. Perks of being a big girl, I guess. We had a very good visit. Usually, for me and her, our max is a day or two, but we made it 3 with very little bickering. We watched movies until our brains rotted out of our heads, we've eaten until our stomachs couldn't hold another bite, and we've laid around until we could not stand the 4 walls of this house any longer and had to go somewhere, anywhere. I told her she will have to come back in a month so we can go see all the movies new to the $2 theatre in one day again. That was fun. And now the fun has passed and it's back to the real world. I go back to work tomorrow afternoon and she returns to being bored in her own house. Ahhh, I am loving my very lazy summer.

Rotting My Brains Out

Yesterday was a great day! My sister is here in town for a few days and we have been eating and doing whatever we want. Yesterday we decided to go to the $1.99 movie here in town because I wanted to see African Cats and they were actually showing it. That movie was awesome, btw, but it wasn't the only one we saw. We actually saw 3: Something Borrowed, African Cats, and Water for Elephants. I had already seen the first one, but my sister hadn't so we went and saw that. Then I insisted we see African Cats so we went and saw that, and then we both wanted to see Water for Elephants which was freakin' awesome and I need to read the book! In between the first two, we went and shared nachos at Moe's which was perfect and then in between the second two, we went and got Frozen yogurt from Tutti Frutti. Yummo! THEN we went to a Redbox and got 5 movies. We watched one last night, The Dilemma, which was ok, and then we went to bed. We got up this morning and watched You Again, followed by Due Date, which was stupid and we turned that one off. Because we had done nothing but sit around and watch movies and eat, we decided to hit up the mall and walk around a bit. We then came home and watched I Am Number Four AND IT'S AWESOME!!! I will be owning that one. Sonic was calling out names so we went and got treats from there, this Hazelnut Mocha java chiller is really good, fyi, and now we are watching The Switch, with Jason Bates and Jennifer Aniston. It's a bit slow but I'm hoping it will be good. So, that's my weekend. We have lots of leftovers in the fridge and do not need to eat out again, for sure! Well, that's my wkend!

Kayaking

I would really like to go kayaking. I know several people who go kayaking and I've always thought that's something I would like to do. Unfortunately, all of those people live in KY and that is forever away. Alas, no kayaking for me.

I really wish I had something to blog about...

I really wish I had something more interesting to say other than I hate my job and I had yet another bad day. For a while now I have been saying that it would be stupid for me to quit my job because I have good insurance that I pay practically nothing for, I have flexible hours which is good for school, and I make better money than most people in retail. However, I am beginning to feel like maybe the time has come for me to move on. I mean, this place wears me out both physically and mentally. I am tired of coming to work and having to work my butt off because there isn't enough help. I am tired of getting into stupid arguments with hateful people when they are the ones who were wrong. I am tired of my employees who think they are untouchable because they are related to people higher than me. I am tired of my fellow employees, the ones I try to take good care of, because they have taken something I have said the wrong way and complained to management- or worse, having a parent complain to management. Finally, I am tired of my blog posts being entirely about how miserable I am at work. To anyone else, the decision would be very clear: if you're miserable, find something else. To me, it isn't that simple. When I leave a place, I think about everything I would be leaving behind. For all of the bad people I deal with at work, both customers and employees, there are good ones who, sometimes, counter them. Not to mention, I am good at my job. Again, for every hateful customer I come across, there is at least one more who loves me and knows when they come to me, they are going to get friendly, speedy service. I can't tell you how many people have told me they are glad when I am working at CS because they know their Western Union isn't going to take forever, or cashing their check is going to be fast and simple. Because, I'll say it, I'm the fastest, and I'm accurate too. And compared to the two fellow employees who have gotten their panties in a wad over something I said, I have several more who tell me they really enjoy working with me or they are so glad I am working that day. Those people make me feel good. So, I am good at my job and I know what I'm doing, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. Do I really want to be stuck here for another two years? Not really, but what else is there with school? With my major, sticking just to night classes isn't entirely possible because a lot of times, with the higher level classes, they are offered once, in the middle of the day, and if you need that class, that time is the only option available. I just don't know what to do. I'm going to have to do a lot of thinking and praying about what it is I need to do.